The tighter the better!

Hmm… long time no post… things have been moving very slowly for me – probably because my band wasn’t tight enough… and then school holidays happened and I pigged out on ’slider’ foods with the kids – damn that chocolate & icecream!

Anyways… had a fill last week and had 2ml put in, so think I’m up to 7ml in an 11ml band — I actually felt it tighten this time…. and I can no longer eat much! woohoo!!  I also now have an issue with iron – well, more-so than before… evidently my red cells aren’t creating enough iron – so to avoid an iron transfusion (Dr Harsha’s choice) I am frantically taking everything full of iron, supplements, spinach… nails… hahahaha

This last fill has been an interesting experience and I think that this is what it should have been like from the get-go. I am filled up very quickly and can survive on very little.  Most mornings I have my optifast breakfast – am so not a breakfast person, so this is nice and easy for me… Yesterday I adventured to cornflakes… 4 spoonfuls and 1 strawberry later I couldn’t fit any more in… and this morning fried and egg & toast… well, that all just came back – what I could manage to get down… Harsha  scheduled me for another fill this coming Thursday but will definitely cancel as I know that the band, if anything, it is too tight… but I’m happy to have it this way until xmas… I really really need this to help me cut back on my eating ability. We’re going away on Dec 10 and I think I will leave it as it is until the week before we go… probably just have the last 2ml taken back out for comfort sake more than the need for extra room for scoffing on holidays!

Anyways… I’ve started recording what I eat as it is quite astounding for me to need so little…

B/fast: Optifast drink
snack: tea or coffee (not always have this)
lunch: 100ml yoghurt + banana (takes me about 1hr to eat all this)
snack: 1 or 2 saltine crackers or mango (whatever is easy)
dinner: small slice of quiche/fritata, or 3/4 cup “casserole” type food
snack: fruit or yoghurt or icecream (1 scoop)

If I manage to eat all this without puking (dinner is hardest) then I’m doing great!  I am very fastly (hmmm don’t think that’s a word!) learing what I can and cannot eat… lots of cannots rearing their ugly head!!  My latest theme song is “i’m gonna be a super-model”… mainly cuz Ralf thinks that I’m now bulimic!  he has lots of smart comments like this morning… “so how was your egg… both times??”  oh ha ha ha… he won’t be laughing so hard when I’m super skinny!!!

Until next time Fatty!

How to remove the self-destruct button…

((sigh)) if only I knew!

As you have probably noticed the blogs have slowed… and so too has my weight loss.  ((sob))

I had my first fill (3ml) the other week and Dr Harsha said that I’d feel no restriction.  Well, all I can say is “no shit Sherlock!”  The only ‘restriction’ I have is that things tend to not want to go down.  I still get hungry; and am still able to manage to eat the naughties (ice cream, cookies, chocolate etc).  Now I knew that this would happen, but was kinda hoping that even though we all know that the band isn’t a miracle cure, it would help just a little bit.

It seems that not matter what I do diet-wise, I always manage to find the self-destruct button.  I sabotage myself for no real good reason — except that I love food waaaaaay too much.  Unfortunately the symbiotic relationship I have with food is that it doesn’t want to leave me… instead of being digested and flushed down the loo, it decides to take residence on my butt or elsewhere!

I guess I shouldn’t be so harsh on myself.  Even though I snack out at times, the quantities that I am eating is far less.  And in all honesty it is creeping up to that TOTM where chocolate becomes my staple food!

We went to HarborTown the other weekend.  I bought a shirt 2 sizes smaller than usual… as size 18!! Okay, so it’s still heffer-sized but it’s definitely a smaller heffer! and shoes also a size 39 instead of 40… so my feet were fat???? hmmmm… they didn’t feel like it, but they musta been.  I had noticed a couple of pairs of new-ish shoes were loose, but put it down to them stretching from wear.  And yes the rings are still falling off… even moreso now, had to actually put them on the middle finger (which feels weird) because they slipped off when I was walking around!

So I guess the weight is still steadily going down… but just not at such a fast rate.  I need to do optifast for another 2 weeks again… wonder if I could manage it??? hmmm… might just have to consider it….

Well… until next time Fatty….

Ooooh… my first PB!

As the title states… I have experienced my first case of true PB-ing (those of you know in the know – pb is a ‘productive burp’ — one that ‘follows through’!!!)

Anyways… happened yesterday afternoon whilst eating some bread… which decided it didn’t want to go any further.  A sip of water and back it all came! Ahhh the relief!  Thought it was because I was being piggy and eating too fast. But then, at dinner last night, was munching through my rice and yup… it didn’t want to go down.  And here’s me thinking that this band was doing bugger all lately!  guess it is still there and doing its job — just going a bit slowly is all!

So today was a little more careful.  Least I can now say that I have experienced a true PB … hehehe.

Until next time Fatty!

Down, down, down…

Well, it has been a while since my last blog… probably because life just goes on and nothing too exciting has happened!

The weight is slowly, but consistently, coming off.  Unfortunately because a few people know I have had the surgery when they comment on how good I’m looking I never know if it’s for real or just to help keep me motivated… know what I mean??

The loss has slowed down now that I am eating ‘normal’ people food.  And since I haven’t yet had a ‘fill’ of the band the quantity I’m eating is increasing also.  I am of course mindful of this and try to be good, but it’s not always all that easy!  I did a really stupid thing and had roast meat for dinner one night (plus a day of small grazing) and I was in pain for a good 2 / 3 days!  That lesson has been well learnt!  also the lesson of not having really fizzy drinks aswell.  They do tell you to avoid them, but until you find out for yourself just exactly why, the reasoning just doesn’t sink in!  basically it hurts… really really hurts!!!  I ended up going back to my liquid meals and it seemed to fix it all up nicely… ahhh… good ol’ Optifast — where would I be without it!!!

Thursday can’t get here soon enough!! Off to see Harsha for a ‘fill up’… feel like I’m off to the petrol station of old days… “Yes ma’am… how can we help”… “oh, just fill her up please!”… hehehe… I have a very twisted sense of humour I think!

Even though I see the scales move, and am noticing clothes starting to fall off me – literally – it doesn’t always seem that I’m doing all that well.  We all know about my wedding ring slipping off… and how I wear my engagement ring to keep on… well, the other day I was picking up all the kids Lego and my engagement ring decided it was his turn to do slippage and ended up in the box!  Now picture this… having to sift through mountains of Lego to find my engagement ring… good ol’ wedding ring was wanting to follow aswell, but stopped him before he jumped in also!  So I guess it shows a bit that I’ve lost some weight!  and the fact that most of my winter clothes are hanging off me and I look like a potatoe sack too… can’t weight for the warmer weather!  Still got my fat butt though… wish that’d slip off! hehehe

Oh well… that’s about it for now – told you nothing too exciting has happened!!

Until next time Fatty…

Time flies…

How time flies when you’re having fun — or not!  It’s been over a week since the surgery and I can say I’m starting to hang out for different food.  My soups have sustained me nicely, but variety is a big issue.  What is it with doctors and this whole 2 week bizzo anyways! why not 1 week??

Anyways… off to see Claire (dietician) on Tuesday so will see what she has to say for herself…. and what the scales have to say for me too!  I am keeping a record of my weightloss per my scales.  Purely for consistency sake.  They always weigh a bit less than the ones at the Docs but then I am often wearing different clothes, different times of day etc.  Whereas at home I’m weighing at the exact same time and with no clothes — hey, 200g in clothing means alot!!!    The graph is looking impressive now… 8kg down, can’t wait until that’s double digits!

A funny thing happened the other morning… my wedding ring fell off and I didn’t even feel it!  I knew it had to be in the house as we hadn’t been out in the last 24hrs – so that was a good thing.  But it took forever re-tracing my steps that morning as to where it might have gone.  We eventually found it 45 minutes later! and I was able to go to work… definitely wasn’t leaving home without it – bit superstitious that way!  Needless to say, the ring comes off at night and back on in the morning with my engagement ring… at this stage the two together make it safe enough that I shouldn’t lose them, or at least would feel if both of them were slipping.  Will eventually have to get it re-sized, but am trying to wait as long as possible.  Don’t really relish the idea of going to the jewellers every week or so getting it re-sized!

Until next time Fatty…

Post-surgery

Well, I survived the surgery… surprise surprise! The morning after the nurse came in and asked how I was doing… pain level… ZERO! no pains whatsoever, couldn’t feel the port, didn’t feel any different at all!  Was worried that they had to abort the surgery!  Anyways, turns out that I was still drugged up and hence no feeling of pain! believe me… the pain came… oh the pain!

Anyways… the nurses gave me some morphine for the pain as the other stuff wasn’t working.  Well, that placed me on happy planet quick smart! Man the world looks weird when you’re on that stuff! no wonder people get addicted to it.  All your other senses definitely are heightened – well… felt like mine were anyways – my psychic senses anyways!  So many times it felt like someone was stroking my hair or sitting near me to only open my eyes and find no one.  Very very weird feeling.  Anyways… don’t really remember much of Tuesday… is all a nice little hazy memory!

Today is Friday and I’ve been home for a day.  As usual the hospital wanted me to stay longer than I wanted – but there is nothing new there!

I have five small cuts in my abdomen which are healing nicely.  The pain is greater than I would have expected.  I think it is mainly gas that is trapped and burping is a real event!  Not only does it hurt, but the burps are huge!!  In hopsital the only food that they would allow was clear fluids – tepid chicken stock cubes morning, noon and night! absolutely gross. 

When I came home yesterday I treated myself to a nice, fresh fruit smoothy.  Not that I needed much.  It’s amazing… there is no restriction inserted yet – apart from the band itself – but I certainly can’t eat the way I normally would.  Half a cup of anything is enough to push me over the edge into pain-dom.  Last night I actually measured out how much soup I was having – made some home made tomato soup – and by the time I had eaten the 1/2 cup my stomach was totally full.  I think once I’m healed and can start exercising it will be interesting to see how fast the weight will start to drop off.  So far the scales are heading in the right direction…. down, down, down! woo hoo!!!

Until next time Fatty….

The day of surgery

Today is the big day.  Last night was a terrible sleep.  It took me forever to get to sleep, kept thinking of the surgery and all the things that could go wrong… or how painful it will be afterwards!  Typical me.  Anyways… I’m to have my final meal today at 10am – and final cup of tea for the day ((sob))!  Last night I had my last meal… nothing too exciting but it wasn’t vegetables!  Made up my special rice mess… gees it was nice to eat something besides vegetables/soup/salad.  Just the flavour change was a joy!  I didn’t have a huge amount, I was very reserved – just glad to eat something different not having a huge portion.

My nerves are definitely jumping around…. guess that’s why it would be better to be first up in the day for surgery – less time to think about stuff and get nervous.  On the upside… I should be totally knocked out with drugs tonight and will get a good night sleep!  I hope!!

Sure am going to miss the boys.  As much as they annoy me with their antics sometimes, they are definitely the bright spark in my life.  Tom at present is sitting reading his ‘newspaper’ – the lastest junk mail magazine from BigW – the TOY CATALOGUE!  He is such a character.  And Luke is becoming such a mature little man.  I explained to him what was happening with me in hospital and he took it in his stride.  Asked mature questions, how the surgery is done, do I get cut open – think he was hoping I’d say yes – think all boys like some form of gore! 

Anyways… I’ll leave off here and gather my courage up…

Until next time Fatty

“We love you just the way you are…. “

Today is Saturday and come Monday morning I’ll be trekking down to Murdoch hospital to undergo surgery.  Am I scared? nervous? worried?  Yup, yup and yup – not that I’m letting on to anyone else that I am – I’m definitely the world’s greatest actress (not!).

I hope that I’m not kidding myself that this surgery will work.  So many people have said such positive things about it that I feel that if I fail (again) then I am definitely the hopeless case I kind of already know that I am.

I worry for the kids… what if something goes wrong in surgery.  Here I am having the surgery to keep me alive longer by losing weight so that I can see them grow up and have their own kids, but in doing so am I jeapodising it by having the surgery.  I know the risks are minimal, and Dr Harsha is fantastic.  One of the best, if not the best, surgeon in WA.    And as for Ralf… so much pressure for him to look after the kids and house and work all the while I’m lounging in hospital.  I’m going to prepare all the kids lunches/snacks for school so he doesn’t have to think about that too much.

As for my food… I must say that I am totally over the whole optifast diet.  It has served it’s purpose, but truly the variety is lacking.  Glad I found the chocolate bars though – almost as good as the real thing… almost!  I am absolutely hanging out to have something with flavour – fish especially… a nice big piece of grilled salmon… mmmm!!! makes my mouth water just thinking about it! ((sigh)) but that will have to wait for a few more weeks yet.

Today Vanessa left me a card, magazine and lotto ticket on my desk for when I arrived… in the card she had written “we love you just the way you are, but if you want it go for it!”  And Lisa lent me a few books and included a bookmark wishing me the best with surgery & recovery.  So maybe people don’t hate me as much as I think… guess hate is a harsh word, perhaps dislike is better way to phrase it.  Maybe I underestimate people, aswell as myself, too much.  Funny to think that people love me just the way I am… wonder why I can’t do the same.

Until next time Fatty…

Boredom has set in…

Okay, this no meat, eggs, pasta etc etc is really starting to get difficult!  I have resorted to searching for Vegan recipes… here’s me thinking that’d be the answer, but little did I know it wasn’t to be!  Vegans get to eat bread, cheese (?) , pasta… so a Vegan’s life is better than mine at the moment! go figure!!  I am fast running out on ideas on what to make to eat that I have the possibility of getting protein yet not eating anything that is high in protein!! does this make sense?? not to me either!  Evidently not eating protein for the 2 weeks leading up to surgery enables the liver to become softened and makes it easy for Harsha to get in there and do his thing.

I am now officially counting the days – not to the surgery – but to when I  can eat normal food again - food that has variety and flavour.  I don’t care that I’ll only be able to have one bite of it! but at this point, one morsel of a bite will be a vast improvement of what I’m getting right now!!! aarrgghh!! can you tell that I’m frustrated???

I did discover something yummy with optifast though – their chocolate bars!! mmmmm mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. just like a fudge bar but good for you — well, perhaps not good, but at least it resembles the naughty in the world!! and is so fudgey!!

Until next time Fatty!

Less than 1 week…

and counting!!

Well… today is the day that it all starts happening real fast!  Can’t believe that this time next week I’ll be laid up in bed (ahhh bliss) and hopefully drugged up to the eyeballs! hehehe

I can officially confirm that I am sick of soups, optifast drinks and not chewing!! Oh to have a piece of chicken… or fish… or anything that requires using one’s teeth!

The hunger pangs are certainly easier to control now… so that’s a good thing.  The only bit I now seem to have to over come is my ‘boredom’ eating habits – especially at home.  I was going to make the boys some muffins yesterday, but knew I couldn’t trust myself not to eat any.  So they get to miss out.  I’m sure they will survive!

I made some pumpkin soup yesterday and put in some bacon bones to add some protein… one word BLEAH!!! it was horrid… the dogs enjoyed it though!  I made another pot with just vegetables and bacon bones and that is more edible… I guess it’s all a learning curve what works and what doesn’t.

Haven’t weighed myself today, and I’m trying not to.  Weighing on a daily basis is not good! it’s amazing how much fluid the body can decide to retain one day and expel it the next!

Tomorrow is the appointment with the GP at Harsha’s rooms – get to have a physical to make sure I’m all set for surgery… will definitely weigh myself there – think their scales are way more accurate than mine… man I can’t wait ’til I am down to double digits!

Until next time Fatty…